Oldness

This is actually a repost, pre-smithocracy.  But it still feels true today. So I needed to share my thoughts again.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Alright, I have heard the moaning and groaning. I will start posting again to this blog. Let the cheering commence. I actually almost deleted it, but I finally took pity on the three people that follow me and decided to be a better person than that. Therefore as your reward you get to hear my latest rant…Oldness. 

What the heck! Why do we have to get old. And fat, what is up with that? And why do they combine it the way they do. Old and Fat. I am really bugged about the whole situation. If you live to be 80, you get about 25,(29 if you take care of yourself) years to look fabulous. Than you get 55 years of ugly? What kind of deal is that? Your not even a grown up for 18 of those 25 years. So really, you only get like 7 years to enjoy it. But your self-esteem is so shot from being a teenager that you don’t even realize that you are fabulous until your turn 30. THEN you look back and think, wow, wish I could look like that again. But it’s too late, you are 30 and you now have some crows feet coming in, and there is some flubby jiggle on your thighs, and what is that?? A hair? A hair growing out of your chin!?!?! So you work out, you pluck the hair, you eat healthy, try not to smile or frown too much, and look again. What? You look exhausted. You stayed up till 9:10 and now look like a zombie. You used to be able to stay up till 4am, and wake up looking refreshed and ready to go. Now if you don’t get a full 18 hours of sleep, you look like you’ve been up for a year. 

And your voice, there is something different about your voice, it has a nag to it. A “stop doing that, don’t break that, leave it alone, don’t forget this, trash is not a toy, are you listening, don’t hit your brother, look out for the wall, I don’t know where your shoe is, why are you naked, water stays in the tub, we don’t eat bugs, not right now” sort of nag. What happened? You used to be fun and pleasant and energetic. You used to walk out the door and not care if you had makeup on, because you looked good either way. Now there are looks, looks from younger people that tell you “you really should have put some makeup on.”

I know someone older than me is going to say, “you are still young and you should appreciate it while it lasts.” Well guess what? I am not appreciating it, because the bad news is that it just keeps getting worse! I see my future and it involves 4 hour workouts on 600 calories a day, with a two hour makeup session, two hours more of meditation and than 18 hours of full sleep. All in the name of beauty. Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted. And of course it is nearly midnight so I am adding to the wonderful bags below my eyes. I think I will just go eat a pizza, yes a whole pizza, stay up all night, and skip my workout. There is no use fighting it any more. This is who I am.

You Better Check Yo’self Before You Wreck Y’self

And wreck myself I did.

I am writing this post flat on my back. I have learned the harsh way that I am no longer a spry youngling. I totally destroyed my neck on Monday and it has since spread to my upper back. So you could say my back is wiggidy, wiggidy, wack…but I wouldn’t.

So this is the post where I tell you I’m not posting. Send me good healing vibes and hopefully I’ll catch ya’ll Monday. What? I’m Texan. I can write y’all if I want to.

PEACE OUT

Worst Best Idea Ever

*sigh*

Well I have to apologize. I let a week go by without a single post. Something I had included in my New Years Goals. However, that is why it was a goal. Something to work towards, with the hope of achieving.That means I am not a failure for not doing it perfect the first time. I will pick myself back up and continue to strive towards that goal.

I think after this post you will see why I missed the last week.

Dan and I, for the most part, are fairly in shape people. We strive to maintain our weight, eat healthy and get plenty of exercise, we don’t smoke, drink or partake of any harmful substances. Our Doctors generally tend to be satisfied with what we do and believe us to be fairly close to the ideal patient. That being said, we still find ourselves slipping down the weight gain ladder. Especially as we keep doing that annoying thing called aging each year. Once again we found ourselves in that “time to clean up, shape up and get back on track” mode. We took a good look at where we are at, and where we are at is not satisfactory.

One of us was more unsatisfied than the other. One of us needed a little more “tuning up” than the other. One of us is named Dan.

Dan decided it was time to do something major. To really get a hold of himself and be who he wants to be Today. Not Tomorrow, not Next Year or Someday. But Now. So he asked if I would do P90X with him. Dan has supported me in a lot of my fitness goals, so it was time to give back. I agreed and we ordered the program. While we were waiting for it to arrive I started to think about how I was soon going to be back to eating clean. How it was time to clean out the fridge/pantry, say no to Ice Cream and yes to Carrots.

Small problem.

For the first time in a while, I didn’t want to say no to Ice Cream. I wanted to say YES!  Chocolate and Cookies and Crackers, OH MY!

Oh Cookie Monster. You know how I feel.

It was no longer going to be time for cookie. :-(

I started to feel grumpy about it. Then a little resentful. Then A LOT of Grumpy and Resentful. I was Grumpsentful.

So I said to myself, “Self, you are backwards. Somewhere you got confused and want junk, not goodness and health. Time to take control.”

And that is when I had the Worst Best Idea Ever.

I recently saw this little pin on Pinterest. It links to What The Sparkle.

InstructionsI like what she said about it, I thought to myself, “people like Dr. Oz, I like people, so this must be good.” I floated over to the Dr. Oz site to find out more. This is where I read things like, “This was great!” “Worked for me!” “I was never hungry” “I lost 500 pounds in three days!” Ok, I exaggerate, but you get my point. I thought, “this is what I need to get back on track.” So I emailed the link to Dan and he said he was in.

So first day of P90X was also the first day of the Dr. Oz Three Day Cleanse. Here is the rundown for the cleanse.

Photo on 3-4-13 at 9.04 AM #3 1st day – This is not so bad. People are wimps if they call this hard. What are they complaining about. I Feel great. Lunch and dinner are not that good, but you can power through it, no prob.

Day 2First Half of 2nd Day – Wow, everyone is super annoying. I have a headache, I miss food. This is hard, but manageable. I can do this. Remember chewing? That was nice.

Second Half of 2nd Day – Can Everyone Please Stop Making That Annoying Sound Called Talking! This Smoothie Is Disgusting But I Can Power Through. Where Is Food!!!! I Want Pizza!!! Who’s Stupid Idea Was This!

Photo on 3-4-13 at 9.05 AM #73rd Day – ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME!!!!! PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING!!!! I WILL LITERALLY START EATING MY ARM IF I DON’T CHEW SOMETHING SOON!!! MY HEAD HURTS SO BAD!!! IF I HAVE TO DRINK OR LOOK AT ONE MORE LIQUID I AM GOING TO TAKE A HAMMER TO EVERY BLENDER, FRUIT AND VEGETABLE IN THIS HOUSE. I AM GOING TO BED AT A RIDICULOUSLY EARLY TIME TO END THIS MISERY!

Do you see why I was NOT in the mood to write anything last week?

So yeah, not so easy.  Dan and I did it, but have since made a Pinky Swear to NEVER do it again. We did lose weight, (Dan 4, me 7) but it was only water weight. It came right back on in two days. One positive thing did come from it though. This is the part that makes it the Best Idea. I was so happy to start eating food again, that I didn’t care that it was such a clean diet. Bring it on carrots! Say yes to celery! Apple, you are the best. As long as I can crunch you, I love you! I no longer hunt for any chocolate crumbs in the house. I don’t need it. I am just so happy to eat any food that I don’t even want the junk.

So do I recommend this?

NO WAY! It was awful and horrible and the worst and longest three days of my life. However if you really want to kick your Naughty Cravings to the curb. This WILL do it. It really did get me back on track to eating healthy again and I am not Grumpsentful anymore. So The Smithocracy stance, Do It At Your Own Risk. Also hide all weaponry first.

How is P90X you ask?

I really like it! Great workouts so far and we feel good doing them. 100% Smithocracy approval. Although I did receive this text from Dan while I was typing this.

Ouch. I feel like somebody is pogo sticking my body, but the pogo stick is made of knives with acid on the blades. Feel the Burn. Luv the Burn. Be the Burn.

So yeah. It hurts. But it is a good hurt that puts everything back where it goes.

Have you done any crazy things in the name of fitness and health? Please share so we know we are not the only crazy’s in crazy town!